Reflections from Middle School Back-to-School Night

Middle School is not often one of the times in our lives that brings back the fondest of memories. Typically we remember this as a time of significant change and the accompanying awkwardness that often goes with this type of change. I remember vividly that my nose, teeth, and ears all felt way too big, and my hair too short and straight! Somewhere between fifth and eighth grade, I managed to gain 30 pounds and not grow even an inch. Around this time, I remember that boys became something to notice, they were worth laughing a little louder for and blushing a little harder for. They seemed to have all of the answers, knew all of the jokes and were adept at making us girls feel a bit out of the loop in every sense of the phrase. Definitely not a time when I felt composed or assured of my self-confidence or self-worth. So, although this was many more years ago than I care to remember, I imagine the feelings are much the same for your daughters as they risk similar insecurities and uncertainties while they negotiate the halls of Middle School.

And what about the boys? Well, I certainly do not have personal experience in this area – or do I? As the mother of now five sons, ages 9 to 24, I guess I can lay claim to having picked up a little insight over the years! I clearly remember my oldest, trooping off to sixth grade each and every day in the exact same outfit: white t-shirt, baggie jeans, and a flannel shirt unbuttoned so it could flow freely around his middle. What I am not sure of is whether he was covering his changing body or trying to look tough for the other guys – both very real possibilities. The boy world is certainly not any easier to negotiate than the one girls have to manage. They are still expected to be strong, resilient, and not to cry… yet, in Middle School, they are very much still little boys in so many ways – just in bigger, usually more awkward bodies than before. There could not be a time in our children’s lives when they change more dramatically. Not just physically, but, yes, emotionally. Our middle-school age children experience mood swings as dramatic as their height and weight change. They care about everything and nothing at the same time. They are little boys and girls one minute and then struggling preadolescents the next. And heaven help you if you look at them the wrong way!

So, how do we manage this here at school? This is the place where they spend the majority of their waking hours, surrounded by the peer group they are so deeply affected by – both positively and negatively. All of them together in one building, all day. How do we manage? Well, we manage by putting these unique, caring, and dedicated adults, our faculty, here with your children. These are people who have chosen to teach, but they have chosen more than that. They have chosen to teach preteens – or “Tweeners.” Yes, you heard me correctly; they chose to teach this age group. The amazing thing about this faculty is that they will tell you over and over again there is no other age group they would rather live and work with than these middle schoolers. They cite their freshness, relative innocence, budding intelligence, and the challenges of guiding them from concrete to abstract thinking. All of this done in an individualized program of differentiated learning that extends well beyond the confines of the classroom. These adults love working with your children and the kids know it. Our faculty recognizes the profound impact they have on them at this very important time in their lives. They understand the importance the students put on every word they utter, every move they make.

So, what do we do well here in the Middle School and throughout USM in general? This is what I have observed in my relatively short tenure here at USM.

Our faculty:

• require students to perform – orally, in writing, as well as, physically and artistically
• teach your children to think critically, to read and write both creatively and analytically
• create an environment where your children can build friendships for life
• model diligence and hard work and expect your children to learn to do the same
• cultivate an environment where most students are happy to go to school and, if they are not, they care about why not and try to help them to work through the issues.

Perhaps most importantly, the faculty allows them to stumble and to pick themselves back up with dignity and respect. To learn from this experience and apply that learning the next time they are challenged, whether that challenge comes in the form of academics or, as is often the case in Middle School, when the challenge is social or emotional.

Finally, what is your role in all of this as their parents? Well, I believe we are very strong together as a team. Together, we can provide for your children the power of an independent school education combined with strong family values. Together, we send them a strong message about the importance of education and character development. Together, we help to do the most important thing a school and parent community can do for children, we gradually and sometimes even strategically set them on their path in life. Remember, they will not always be happy. Every day will not always be filled with sunshine and perhaps the most difficult lesson for me to learn as I was raising my own children was one from a former head of school as I lamented to him about a difficulty my middle son was having and my wish to make it better for him. This experienced and wise head of school looked me right in the eye and said the following words to me, words that have stuck with me for years: “Exactly when did you take over responsibility for his happiness? Don’t you think he ought to own that?” It was then that I realized there is no greater gift I could provide my children than to put them in charge of their own lives, their own happiness. Difficult for me as a sometimes over-functioning parent who loved them deeply, but one of the most important gifts I could provide them as they grew.

So, thank you for sharing your most precious possessions with us. I am convinced that you are providing them a gift for life. There is not another school in the State of Wisconsin that provides a better education for children in grades PK through 12 – our statistics prove that as well as the anecdotal feedback from our graduates. You are preparing your children for life and this experience will change their lives – I promise you that…